“In the first blog of Snow White, ‘Head and Heart,’ it became clear which two lifestyles are opposed in the fairy tale of Snow White. The stepmother represents the mental, Western lifestyle of the present moment. Snow White, with her extraordinary beauty, represents our soul and follows the path of our heart. In French Courage is derived from the word coeur (heart). And in English we use the same word. Snow White has the courage to be authentic and therefore vulnerable. She has no control and puts everything in jeopardy. The Queen-stepmother, on the other hand, rules with a firm hand and demands complete control.”

From Reflex to Reflection

Until 2010, I was building a career and things were going well. It was obvious to continue doing more of the same. I did reflect, but my reflection was mostly focused on improving what I was already doing. Still, I longed for something new; a fundamental change. In early January 2011, I took a break and sat on the terrace of my holiday home in the South of France, near the Pyrenees. I admired the setting sun and was eagerly awaiting the starry sky that would follow. I was speechless and intensely grateful for what I was experiencing. That evening, there was a deathly stillness in the air. Even the birds were silent, but the play of colours was overwhelming and blinding. Due to a trick of the light, I saw all the colours of the rainbow mixing together— not in the familiar order of the colour spectrum. I felt a special inner peace. It was as if I were in my paradise, sitting quietly, just watching. Every second, the colours changed in composition. I almost became dizzy from the speed and magnitude of the show. While everything seemed to stand still, it was actually moving immensely. Later, there was a beautiful starry sky. I watched this miracle with love well into the night.

What is Life?

I didn’t realize what had happened to me internally that night. I was searching for a new beginning and a safe end to a beautiful period of my life. However, something right in front of me captured all my attention. It felt as if I had somehow merged—become one—with eternity and infinity. Both are beyond comprehension. A mystery you can only enjoy in silence. I became aware that there is a way of looking at things in which an end, a beginning, and time, do not exist. For the first time in my life, I wondered if time even has a function. Why did I feel so peaceful and happy just by watching a beautiful play of colours and a motionless starry sky? I couldn’t understand that, and at the same time, I had no desire to understand it. I just wanted to sit still and enjoy. I felt that something in me had truly found its origin in that dimension of eternity and infinity. Through all my thoughts for my future, a peace shone that was far more inspiring, and above all, much more authentic, more original. There are no words for what truth is, but I immediately felt it in my body. A deeper knowing that this is where I belong. As if I suddenly had ground beneath my feet, which at the same time put all my thoughts and ambitions into question. Years later, I discovered that mystics call this unground. (ungrund)

All things flourish abundantly; then each returns to its origin. Returning to the origin is called being at rest. Being at rest is called returning to the eternal, real Life. Returning to Life is called being eternal. To know what is eternal is called being enlightened. Not knowing what is eternal is called cultivating one’s own misery.”
— Lao Tzu (excerpt)

I recognize my encounter in this quote by Lao Tzu. That night, I saw what is meant by Life, and I became one with the great Life, with a capital L. I had always been this, but now, I consciously saw Life around me, and I resonated completely with this phenomenon. Life is everything that is! And that is so much more than what you see at first glance. It is a mystery that you can only trust and not understand. Behind and between all those beautiful colours, I felt and saw what my true home is and my true origin. “I am” what I saw. I saw light, and I am that light. At that moment, I didn’t have such beautiful words at hand. However, I wasn’t enlightened that night, as Lao Tzu writes! On the contrary. A period followed that turned everything upside down, but because of that night, I had enough trust and ‘knowledge’ of Life to handle all the uncertainty.

Life is the plural of courage

That year, 2011, marked the end of the work I was doing. Due to the infamous cuts by Rutte, many loyal clients had already disappeared, but what was much more important was that I could no longer do my work with the passion I once had. So began a very uncertain time, with only one compass—that one experience. I am grateful that I always had a roof over my head. I didn’t even have to move, even though I was living in a large and expensive property. There weren’t even any crisis moments. In retrospect, I look back on this with great astonishment and gratitude. That is truly a mystery. When my house suffered major damage from a tornado, the insurance covered it all. However, my ego had a very difficult time and went from crisis to crisis. The metaphor of crucifixion is sometimes used for the ‘dark night of the soul,’ as my situation during that time is referred to in New Age literature. But in truth, it’s not the soul that has the dark night; it is the ego. I could feel unhappy on one hand, while on the other, I was absolutely certain that everything was fine. Over time, I became better at distinguishing. You think everything is falling apart, but who is this “you” who thinks that? It certainly wasn’t my soul.

At the same time, I could find no words for the experience I was so full of. A ten-year search began to find words and images for that “new” reality that governed my life. But eternity and infinity simply can’t be understood. Still, I knew deep inside that everything I was looking for—peace, love, unity, truth—was found within them. That night, I had made intense contact with my true source, with my True Self, and behind that, the mystery of the Highest. And that fundamentally changed me.

What I really appreciate about Lao Tzu’s quote is that I strongly experienced that knowledge of eternity was my salvation when everything worldly seemed to fall apart.

Snow White and her Prince

That one night in France, I, like Snow White, fled my castle—into the forest. The queen (ego) sends the hunter after her to kill her (soul). In my case, it was my ego that screamed murder and fire, doing everything it could to deny what I had experienced that fateful night. The hunter tries to take Snow White’s heart. But of course, that can’t happen because the ego depends on the soul. That is the madness of the ego. It wants to kill the soul to prove its own existence but cannot, because in doing so, it would die too. So, it leads me and itself astray by coming home with the heart of an animal. And this fake news is eagerly accepted as truth, even by me.For the first six months, I tried hard to deny that anything had happened and threw myself into working harder. Recruiting all kinds of new clients. Bizarre, bizarre. The queen (ego) seems to be a worldly ruler, but if the soul doesn’t cooperate, it can do nothing but cultivate its own misery and must eventually dance on scalding slippers until it dies. The ground beneath its feet becomes too hot. I never regained the self-assurance and strength with which I had built my career. I could no longer pretend. For that, I simply knew too much about my true origin.

Awakened by a kiss in a wondrous night

Fourteen years later, in March 2024, I had another wondrous night that brought about a fundamental change. This time, it didn’t begin with a light show, but with absolute despair. I was lying in bed, ruminating and worrying, unable to sleep. I was utterly desperate: “Help, I’m stuck, I can’t go anywhere. This can’t end well.” The same thoughts kept running through my head. In desperation, I decided to let go of control and enter the “deep black hole.” Fine, let it be a depression. Let everything come. But now, what I had hoped for and had experienced before happened. Suddenly, there was peace in my head. Out of nowhere. Literally! After hours of worrying, I lay still. Wow!! I was mostly just thankful. But it didn’t stop there. I was lovingly carried into a flow of love energy that was unknown to me. In my imagination, I saw beings floating along with the waves of this energy, fully enjoying it. They were swaying their arms, drifting, gliding. Strength and glory are beautiful words to describe that energy. The power came from something I had never experienced before. I realized that I had apparently been unconsciously carrying a sense of insecurity within me, assuming that everything is temporary. I knew that just like in France, I was in a dimension that is the origin of humanity and the universe. Yet, this felt different from the eternity and infinity I had experienced before. I realized that for every second of my life, there had been an undertow connected to death—the end. Something that always made me insecure. Nothing was truly certain. But in this energy wave, everything was absolutely certain, complete, and so pure that I could imagine that this energy could heal people who are confused or sick in an instant. Endless love and compassion for everyone. No thoughts, just being. I am, and nothing more. A tremendous force, love, and peace that you only want to share. In this energy, all people share the same, and are all part of the same. There are no separate personalities, thoughts, or sensitivities. Yet, we are all unique, like snowflakes. We are all one in the same force, love, and peace. Sharing happens naturally. You resonate from within.

This revelation or vision, if you will, also appears in the fairy tale of Snow White. Snow White, as a metaphor for our soul, is awakened by a kiss from her prince (spirit), and they marry. In the fairy tale, there seems to be hardly any time between the kiss and the marriage. In my reality, a long time passed between them. A period that is still ongoing, in which I am gradually removing my separation from this energy. I choose to let go of the ego: no longer giving it any appreciation. I am now indeed awakened by a kiss, for I am constantly vigilant over my inner stirrings.

Trapped or Free

The world of my ego and the reality of my higher self are in direct opposition to each other. Just as in the fairy tale, the queen and Snow-White stand in direct opposition. I frequently reference this fairy tale to emphasize that everything I describe is part of our collective unconscious. After all, that’s what fairy tales are about. It is wonderful and liberating to know that in this dimension, we all share the same. After all, it is the birthright of every human being.

So, what exactly are the differences between the world of the ego and the reality of our higher self?

World of the Ego:
When I get caught up in the world of my ego, I am uncertain, and I worry about everything that could go wrong in the future or I am angry at all those others who have bullied me, ignored me, or misunderstood me. I think I am being realistic and critical of others. My environment actually determines how I feel, and as compensation, I either defend myself or play the superhero when I see someone being treated unjustly. My ego tries to convince me that when I meet someone else, that person is truly someone else—a stranger. I have all sorts of nightmares about where the world is headed, and I dream about a better life. I feel guilty about all the mistakes I have made, and I sometimes feel ashamed. Something is always missing. I feel an emptiness inside and long for happiness.

Reality of My True Self:
When I am in the reality of my True Self, I feel peace and a tremendous strength within. I am not uncertain or afraid. I know I am never alone. I trust myself because I feel that I am merged with my origin. The environment is not important. It only reflects my inner core. It contributes nothing more. When I meet someone else, I meet a part of myself, and I want to get to know them. I don’t dream, and I have no nightmares. I am missing nothing. Truly nothing. As soon as I need something, I give more or share, because what I give to another, I also give to myself. Moreover, there is nothing more pleasant than being with others. All the mistakes I made have been undone, because I know they will never happen again.

We humans find it normal to be split in two parts. We have forgotten how insane this actually is. The fairy tale of Snow White can only have a happy ending if she marries her prince. In other words, both parts are united. The only way for this to happen is for her to relinquish the value she placed on the queen and choose to identify with her source, with her True Self. Snow White chooses, for you cannot serve two masters. I know that my state of wakefulness will ultimately lead to the marriage between my soul and the transpersonal spirit. I know that to do for this. I must give up my ego. And this is not a sacrifice—in fact, it is a liberation, because I choose my True Self. I become whole again, an individual (undivided).

An important part of the reconciliation with my True Self is the spiritual striptease—the shedding of my ego. Learning to listen, to be open to that one reality where everything can be found. The masculine in me may be smaller than the feminine to allow for healing, merging, or marriage to occur. I can take a lesson from the surrender Snow White shows in her life story.

The night in France was a vision of my origin. Just as Snow White’s true mother saw her vision of Snow White’s white skin, black hair, and red lips after pricking her finger on the spinning wheel and seeing her blood drops in the snow, she saw her gifts to Life. That night in Zutphen, I was kissed awake, and that was only possible because I now have the strength and will to surrender to Life. This would never have happened if I hadn’t seen the truth of what my origin, my gift, and my True Self truly are.